When you have a good marriage everything else seems to fall in line, the sky seems clearer, the birds chirp louder, and your job becomes less stressful. When your marriage is struggling the reverse happens and the stress from your marriage will spill over into the rest of your life. As husbands, we often feel that our spouses are the ones that need to change, not us, but the truth is you must fix yourself first.
Becoming A Better Husband
#1 Date Your Mate
Think back to when you and your wife first met. You were most likely inseparable, everything was new, and you put forth your best effort in order to win her over including luxurious dates, but is this still the case now?
Once you get married life takes over, careers become more stressful, kids come into the picture, and quickly you find yourself struggling to make time for anything other than “life”. It may feel like you are doing all you can to be a better husband, but your actions will speak the loudest.
"Clear communication. Respect. A lot of laughter. And a lot of orgasms. That’s what makes a marriage work." -Dr. Dre
You Must Date Your Mate. -Set up dates at home when the kids go to sleep -Set up dates and have your kids be apart of it (this actually works out well when you let the kids take part in serving the food or preparing the date at the house) -Find a babysitter and set up that special reservation -If possible take a weekend away and do an overnight date once every few months
Once you begin to date your mate you will begin to see a shift in your relationship and the Spark will come back as your wife begins to emotionally reconnect with you. As men, we often don’t feel the need for dedicated time for dates, but we must remember we are not the only ones in the relationship.
When you want to achieve anything in life, the first choice you make is to block time in your day geared towards working on that goal. Even if you don’t have the time, you make the time. The same goes for your marriage. If you truly want to become a better husband you must make the time, no matter what.
Ideas For Making The Time -Forgo some sleep and stay up later to have one on one time – Wake up early, make some coffee, watch the sunrise from the porch while you discuss life – If you and your wife are now working from home permanently, schedule a day date, take your lunch breaks together, but I still wouldn’t recommend sharing an office all day…. – Take activities you already do and do them together I.E running, working out, swimming laps at the pool.
#3 Tell Your Wife You Love Her
Tell your wife you love her every single day. I don’t just mean verbally either, show her as well. This could be as easy as just telling her in the morning or bringing home a fresh bouquet of flowers at night. To this day I have no idea why my life enjoys flowers so much, but she does.
Telling Your Wife You Love Her Without Telling Her -If she is typically the one that makes dinner, make it yourself instead -Tell her she’s beautiful -Make sure she knows your proud of her accomplishments -Tell her “I’ll love you no matter what” (this one should happen often. By consistently letting your wife know you are in this for the long run, her confidence in the relationship will sky rocket)
#4 Hit The Gym
To become a better husband, you must first work on yourself. This is not typically a step you will see most places when it comes to being a better husband, but I am here to share the truth, not just make you feel better about yourself.
As a man, husband, and parent we should strive for physical excellence every day. Hit the gym, be a role model for your kids, and keep your wife attracted to you. No matter what society attempts to shove down our throats, no wife wants a pudgy husband with linguini legs and noodle arms. Get those quads thick, those biceps pumped, and get your wife excited again.
One big mistake I often see people make is shutting down the idea of adventure once they are married with kids.
This makes life mundane, boring, and predictable. One thing my wife and I pride ourselves on is that we never let having 3 kids slow us down when it comes to adventure.
We still hike up mountains using a hiking carrier, we still ride 20 miles on mountain bike trails using the shotgun seat, we still travel all around Europe with 3 kids in tow. Yes, its a bit harder, but it is also more entertaining.
By doing this not only do we still get to enjoy our adventures, but we are also writing stories as a family we can tell for years to come. Explore more, adventure, and bring your kids along for the ride.
#6 Be Consistent
Whether you are training for a 5km race or a 100 mile mountain race your training must be consistent. You can’t log a good week of training this week, run 1 day next week, and expect to do well.
You must string together week after week of consistent training in order for your body to adapt. The same philosophy applies to your marriage.
In order to be a better husband we must do whatever we can to string together days, weeks, and years of consistently doing what needs to done in order to build a strong marriage. You can’t go weeks without telling your wife you love her, get her a valentines day card on Febuary 14th, and hen expect her to be “all-in” on the marriage. It just doesn’t work that way.
I am not saying to be perfect all the time, thats impossible for anyone to do. What we can do though is try our best at being reliable, durable, and consistent on a daily basis with the effort we put forth into our marriage and the amount of love we show our wives.
# 7 Apologize When You Are Wrong
Honestly, there isn’t much to write for this one. When you are in the wrong, apologize and move on. By nature, a lot of us are thick-headed and stubborn. We don’t want to admit we were wrong even if deep down we know it to be true.
If you screw up, admit it, apologize for it, and drive on. If you take the other road of thinking she will forget it happened, that she will just get over it, or that she is “crazy” for being angry about the issue, then you might want to just get a cozier couch because you will be sleeping on it.